the beginning, again.
A year ago today was one of the hardest days of my life. Strangely, it was completely isolated from the almost shutdown and soon to be, global pandemic. It’s hard to talk about now because I feel like I’ve moved on is so many beautiful ways, but the truth is, I always felt like I was the only parent. Even when I was married, and even more when I was divorced. But a year ago today I knew it was all on me, in every way possible and it wrecked me from the inside out. But somewhere inside me was a voice that told me that I would get the life I dreamed of, for me and my girls, I just didn’t know it yet and certainly had know idea how. I just kept listening. And I grieved more than I knew possible. So much so that I barely recognized myself. It feels selfish to say, but it wasn’t even about the pandemic, it wasn’t even the fact that I had no job, and no income and unemployment that would take months to show up. I was grieving the life I thought I would have, the pain I never wanted my kids to feel. The pandemic was the icing on the cake, but it was also a blessing for me because it gave me a cushion and a safety net. I couldn’t keep going. I had to sit for days on end and grieve. In June I tapped back into myself and applied for remote jobs and set big goals for my photography business. A week later I got a remote job working for one of the most incredible humans I have yet to “meet,” and my photography business took off in ways I could have never imagined. I had more work than I knew what to do with. So much that it was completely unsustainable for anyone, let alone a single mother with her kids home 24/7 with remote school. For years I’ve been asking for an abroad adventure for my daughters and I, but the timing wasn’t right. This January I asked again, and when the very next day the most seamless and generous offer landed in my lap, I knew it was our time. It is finally our time! Everything is in storage, our bags our packed, we are headed to Costa Rica! That voice knew, and now this feels like beginning of everything.
