This summer hasn't really felt like summer, and I can't believe it's almost come and gone. I've struggled with balancing motherhood and a strong desire to pursue my creative endeavors. It's tricky because it feels like this has been my season of dreams coming to fruition and I can't help but say, "Yes!" And yet their childhood is fleeting and I feel it and see it more and more every day. This summer I've spent more time away from them than ever before. In reality it is still not much, but it has felt like a lot for what I'm used to. With all that said, in a few months time, I got to perform again after WAY too long, visions and plans for a new time and space for young dancers is well underway, and photography jobs seemingly keep falling into my lap. I feel so incredibly full and blessed, and a little tired, but mainly just happy. I planted these seeds years ago and now thing are coming full circle. They always do.
Last weekend I got to take Nikki's senior portraits. (Eek!) I was honored that she even asked and was giddy, while secretly trying to play it cool. This season of life is almost intoxicating. The world is at her fingertips, and yet when you're so close to end, it can seem so far. I remember it so well. I remember the confidence of knowing exactly what I wanted but the angst of feeling stuck, fulfilling commitments I never was excited about making in the first place. I am pretty sure the only class I never dared skipped my senior year of high school was photography. I wasn't ditching my other classes and heading off to do what teenagers like to do, instead I would lock myself in the dark room for hours on end. If I wasn't locked in the dark room, I was at my dance studio hours before class, blaring the music, improving, choreographing, and writing. 12 years later, not much has changed. Except I don't have to skip or make excuses for anything, I can be where I want to be, with the people I want to be with, doing what I love. I can't believe I am finally here. You know, that time and space where it feels like everything you've ever dreamed about is starting to come together. I guess I never really realized that until just now, as I started typing this.
It's officially unofficial, I am in the baby beginning phases of creating my own photography business. Beautiful opportunities and experiences keep coming my way, so while I thought maybe all of this was premature, I guess maybe it's not. I think it's time to watch the seeds I've watered over the last few years start to bloom. Sorry, but I'm feeling strangely cheesy. But sometimes those cliches just work, and I'm not too cool to use one. You guys, I've got buds. Buds! Pretty ones. I mean, it doesn't hurt when your subject is as stunning as Nikki. Seriously, what a treat it was to capture her. And how sweet it is to be right here in this time and place. I am beyond grateful.