I’ve been sitting on a gold mine of thoughts but I’ve had little to no mental space to sort them out on paper, on-screen or preferably with a good friend. My heart is growing and evolving, in need of unraveling and sharing, it’s just been hard to grow enough energy to do so. I suppose this is my attempt.
Friday night I took a dance class from a friend, mentor and inspiring teacher from my past. Being his student again was refreshing and good for my soul. For the first time in a long time I was not teaching, giving or serving. I was taking, absorbing and feeling. I was learning, observing and focusing on something outside of the daily grind. There was time and space for me to sort out the intangible. Movement has always been the catalyst for unlocking the truest parts of myself, while connecting all my missing links. It’s also brought out a critic, full of expectations and judgements. But two babies and some years later, I have dropped my judgements. It feels as though I have nothing to prove, even to myself, only much to feel and everything to experience.
I am not sure whether it’s age or motherhood, time or exhaustion, but perhaps one or all have given me freedom. Some of the things that seem to stir up conflict, create a heated debate, or leave me feeling like I have to prove or explain myself, have come and gone. My babies have been born and there is no more talk of how, when and where they will be born. There are only stories. The decision to vaccinate or not vaccinate has already been made, and our car has been gone for well over a year now. Whether some think it is innovative, sacrificial or just plain crazy, we already survived living in a one bedroom apartment. All four of us.
My lifestyle choices are commonly found in the minority. My beliefs and decisions surrounding faith, childbirth, parenting, transportation, consumption, food, and money are often under scrutiny. In the past I’ve been quick to react and I’ve felt the need to defend myself. But now being on the other side of a few big milestones I see how silly and exhausting it is to keep up with worrying how my life choices are going to be perceived by others. I’m settling into a humble confidence, probably because nothing has ever begged me to know myself more than motherhood.
These pumpkin waffles have little to do with my thoughts, and more to do with the season in which I am redefining myself. Its fall and I am letting go of the things I don’t need, and creating more space inside my head, while eating lots of pumpkin waffles and diving head first into the pumpkin craze. Pumpkin ale, pumpkin chips, pumpkin ice cream, pumpkin butter… how have I underestimated pumpkin all these years? Sometimes it feels good to join the masses and surrender to the seasonal indulgences, especially when they taste this good. Happy Fall friends!
Makes about 16 waffles
Slightly adapted from Smitten Kitchen
2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1/3 cup dark brown sugar
2 1/4 tsp, baking powder
1 tsp. baking soda
1/2 tsp. sea salt
2 tsp. cinnamon
1 tsp. ginger
1/4 tsp. ground cloves
4 eggs, separated
2 cups whole milk
1/2 cup unsalted butter, melted
1 tsp. vanilla
1 cup packed pumpkin puree
Spray oil for waffle iron
Preheat oven to 250. Combine all dry ingredients in a large bowl. Separate eggs. Combine yolks with milk, pumpkin, vanilla and melted butter. Whisk the egg whites together with a stand or hand mixer, until soft peaks begin to form. Gently fold the egg whites into the batter until everything is fully combined. Spray your waffle iron with oil of choice and cook as directed by your waffle iron. As waffles cook, place them in the heated oven so they can stay warm and crispy. Serve with maple syrup.